MOVIE MASH-UP MADNESS: Gone Girl meets How I Met Your Mother!

Gone Girl is a viciously sharp and cuttingly brilliant gem. But a slight tarnish would be Neil Patrick Harris’ presence. Nothing against NPH himself but his character was essentially his role as Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother. Seriously. That stalker, that style, that suaveness, the way he presented his lake house? Totally Stinson. Nothing else could be done but transplant the rest of the sitcom’s cast into the thriller for a How I Met Your Gone Girl Mother mash-up.

1. Flashback. Ted Mosby meets Robin Scherbatsky

“How can I trust you? You’re an architect. You might have nefarious designs on me.”

“Nefarious architectural designs? Like I’d build a building shaped like a penis. Besides,

I’m a college teacher now.”

“As long as you don’t expect me to have sex with you in a library or something,

professor.”

“Nah, I have more class than that. Oh, hey, it’s a sugar storm!”

“Here, let me bring out my yellow umbrella.”

2. Ted Mosby and Lily Aldrin

“Twincest? Really? Who would believe that?”

“Yeah, but I wonder how they got that footage of us being kissingly close each

other. That guy doesn’t even sound like me at all. Is there even such a thing as Spanish robot

wrestling?”

“It’s more believable than me being a stripper though.”

“They must have found evil twin copies of us.”

“That’ll be the day. Oh, let me put away these board games. Seriously, who plays board

games in a bar? Especially ones called Slap Bet or Tijuana Slumlord or Diseases.”

3. Marshall Eriksen meets Lily Aldrin

“I knew when I saw you on TV that Ted should call you. So you used to be a corporate

lawyer? What made you switch?”

“Well, there’s so much corruption in the world that I decided to make it a better place by

shifting to environmental law.”

“A good cause.”

“Yes, but in the meantime, I’m handling interesting domestic crime cases such as

this. Finding desperate, lonely women, eager to return to the arms of a strong man’s embrace.”

“Oh, the way you talk! And it’s a good thing you’re also good with electronics. I don’t

know how my stereo got busted like that.”

“Lawyered!”

4. Barney Stinson shows Robin Scherbatsky his lake house

“Check out my lake house, my hideaway of hideaways. Good for discreet trysts or

getting out of the public eye. The fridge is stocked with the finest of aphrodisiacs, er, appetizers

so you won’t be going hungry, unless you’re hungry for something else? Feel the fabric of my

million strand bed. You’ll feel like you’re sleeping on a cloud, which is where you’ll be after I

send you to see God over and over again, of you know what I mean. If you’d like to review your

performance, I have cameras all over the place, with a TV screen as a big as wall for playback.”

“That’s all very impressive. Uh, what’s that over there?”

“That’s a storm trooper but never mind about that. Your attire is atrocious. I’m buying

you a dress tomorrow so you can, wait for it… suit up all proper and ravishing. You and me

together, we’re going to be legendary!”

6. Robin Scherbatsky’s end game

“Ow, you bit my lip. I’m bleeding.”

“That’s fine.”

“Hey, don’t pull my shirt!”

“All the cool kids are wearing it that way.”

“No way. My suit is impeccable. Don’t touch the suit.”

“Urgh urgh urgh!”

“That’s what you get for snooping on my secret past as a mall crawling pop star Robin

Sparkles. Now you get to meet the new me, Robin Daggers. This never would have happened if

i hadn’t agreed to move to Missouri. I’m a born and bred Canadian, doncha know, eh?

“This is live on TV? But um, I’m not too composed during interviews… It’s on now?

But um, any words to my fans? But um, I’m safe and sound, thank you. But um, I’m also

pregnant. But um, I’m very happy to be back together with Ted Mosby. But um, we’ll raise

our children and he’ll tell them a story about how he met met me that will take the span of nine

seasons. But um, yeah, eh.”

Words: Benedict Bartolome